Pirate’s Training Day

We’ve pirated and plundered from Bristol to Shanghai
But now we’re skulking round the deck with murder in our eyes
The bosun’s getting angry and so’s the bosun’s mate,
They’re worried that their skill                               sets are getting out of date

Chorus:Yo ho, way hey 
For a pirate training day
Hear what we say 
Give us 
A  pirate training day

2)We’ll have those little badges 
Where someone’s put our names
Then sit round in a circle 
To play ice breaker games
We’ll all discuss the ground rules Like no keel hauling, no fights,
Then write them on a flip chart- except that we can’t write.

3)We’re ruthless killers one and all from round the seven seas, 
So watch yourselves if we don’t get  a choice of herbal teas
We’re sick of weevil porridge
And biscuits hard as bricks
Bring on the vegan cous cous   and some dainty snacks on sticks

4) Since Bluebeard’s trained in ‘Equal Ops’
He couldn’t be much duller,
We musn’t call him Bluebeard now,
He’s a pirate with a beard of colour
He says there must be monitors day and night on deck,
To check our oaths and curses are politically correct.

5) The captain wants our action plan,
So this is what we’ll say-
Give us designer workwear by that Jean Paul Gaultier,
And when we end the training day
 To show we’re not just thugs
We’ll all swim with the dolphins Then have a big group hug.

© Charlotte Oliver